Fighting clears the air

Big argument over the weekend

All of a sudden we’ve reached the point that there’s only 28 days left.

We visited the doctor today to schedule a time for the C-section. The baby will be cut out to ensure the health of the baby and myself, which is ok by me. I don’t want to risk the health of my baby in any possible way.

So well, the C-section will be on the 28th of September. A really incredible feeling, on the one hand wistful because it feels like I didn’t even have time to get into this whole pregnancy thing, and no we’re on the home stretch all of a sudden.

I haven’t really had the energy to rejoice during the whole pregnancy, let alone read up on any literature about the subject.
I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis gravidarum, severe pregnancy nausea. Next Monday I’ll be again heading in for a drip and apparently this will be continued every few days until the birth.

I’ve always been crazy about leggings. The most unique ones I’ve found from Disturb.fi

For information to those who have asked and to our followers.

Stuart’s burnt arm is doing better already. The skin has recovered from the skin transplant and he’s returned to work normally. It still looks like Freddy Kruger’s arm, but they say it will become better.

Accepting this fatherhood is perhaps slowly beginning to appear as a slightly more positive emotion than it has been for him until now.

We had an awful argument last weekend, both of us yelling our frustrations and anxieties out loud. It’s ok to yell and even argue in our home once in a while. Stuart appeared to mainly be anxious about the thought that he might be trapped in this relationship and a fear of things or our relationship turning for the worse. A fear of me turning into a raging lunatic when becoming a mother (I had serious anger management issues that were dealt with last year). Various fears and apprehension about his own adulthood is what he appeared to have, not so much disgust towards the child or fatherhood. Loss of freedom and travelling were also topics of discussion. Apparently too many bad stories and a fear that his own life and freedom would end with this. I am so grateful that we argued and cleared the air. Today, when we were returning from the doctor’s office, I asked him how he’s feeling and he said that he’s maybe a bit tense, now that this pregnancy journey will soon be over and there will be some so-called real action related to dealing with this frightening thing. Of course there was a smirky grin when I said that imagine, in 28 days, you’ll become a father. All in all such an absurd thought. We both just cracked up with laughter.

This whole year has been horrible and really difficult all in all. My condition with all the vomiting, months of sleepless nights with restless legs, the whole rigmarole with Stuart’s burnt arm, as well as his deep and distressing processing of fatherhood and understanding it (he never wanted to be a father, married a woman suffering from infertility, and ended up in this situation…). In the end my body gave up and I ended up hooked to a drip. I’ve gone twice now and luckily that has helped.

The whole experience is of course coated with happiness, because I couldn’t be more happy in my life despite the hardships.
I don’t care how difficult it might be with a newborn, because I’ll be a mother after all.

This gift from God and this whole ordeal has greatly brought us closer as a team and as a couple, even though sometimes it feels like “we” don’t exist anymore. The relationship has changed and I’ve experienced a lot of avoidance, understanding that and his processing, giving space for him to handle it in his own way.

However, I can’t help grinning at the thought of Stuart getting the baby in his arms for the first time. I know that he will become one of the best fathers in the world.

I’m excited and delighted by all this diversity of life.

Two years ago, I was running a flea market in my own apartment in Helsinki, ready to move to Australia on the 27th of September, 2015. Now almost two years to the day since that moment, I’m receiving the grandest gift of my life, my own person, my own child, with my best friend / husband / lover, a third player for our team. I am experiencing such extreme love and joy as well as intense suspense about how Stuart will change and how we will change together from what we were to what we now need to begin being.

Parenthood is the biggest career in life and it may come as your own choice or as a surprise, but still the work you do as a parent is crucial to a completely innocent human being. You mold that person with your own work into what you best see fit, and your child molds you yourself in return. Your child grows with that learning as well as their own personality into an individual in society. Parenthood is not something to take for granted, it is an enormous blessing and a gift.

I am so thankful for getting this opportunity.

An incredibly good feeling!

Here’s my short video clip in Finnish. It contains feelings and emotions about infertility turning to motherhood
https://www.facebook.com/Siniariell/videos/1342518742513571/

Hey, if you want to follow videos about our family life and see some of our journey from the beginning of the year, some real / raw discussions Stuart and I have had about this baby topic, click on www.facebook.com/thebondsfamily007

Photos by Bec Bushell RFB Photographics

Love
Sini Ariell

In collaboration with www.disturb.fi
Translated from the original Finnish text by Stiina Rasimus-Sahari