Näytetään blogitekstit, joiden ajankohta on lokakuu, 2018.

Self hate

I want to write about an internal demon called self hate. No matter how good u look in the pictures. You see yourself different.  I suffer from its presence from time to time very heavily. Battle with its yells of ridiculousness, ridicule that is worse than anything any troll could shout to me. Yes, the thoughts yelling inside my own head like voices, the put downs and disses surely hurt as much as being bullied. The yells of self hate sometimes lead to the point that you’re almost convinced that it would be better for everyone if you just passed away. The poor self esteem of people who have been bullied at school stems from the bullying period and as an adult, the flaring put downs of self hating are often direct copies of sentences that were used to put them down as children. This applies to me as well. My self hating raises its head in between menstruations, sometimes very strongly. It tells me how awfully disgusting I am, a too ugly and unpleasant person to be anybody’s fri