ELLE MAGAZINE interview in english

Sini Ariell: ”I hated my body for years”

Sini Ariell Bonds, 35, is a Finnish pin-up model, tattoo artist, and presenter with over 70 000 followers on Instagram. She lives currently with her husband in Australia.

Pin-up model and social media star Sini Ariell Bonds, 35, has had to hear mean comments about her body for her whole life. She has never been as satisfied with her body as she is now, right at the end of pregnancy.

”The doctors said I can never have children. My baby will be born in September and I have never been as satisfied when I look in the mirror as I am now. The most beautiful part is my belly, definitely. The feeling is new, since I’ve hated my nose, forehead, thighs, love handles and backside for years. Which part I hated most about my body varied from day to day.

The uncertainty was largely caused by bullying. I got silicone implants because I was called flat in junior high. In woodwork classes, boys groped me behind closed doors. I didn’t have breasts at all. Later it turned out that my breasts didn’t develop due to a hormonal disorde – the same one that the doctors claimed was causing my infertility.

I’m thankful for my past. Without the bullying, I wouldn’t be able to speak about a healthy body image, and without the infertility diagnosis, I wouldn’t be a pin-up model. I began doing pin-up because I wanted to recover from the depression caused by the diagnosis and bullying.
Fotos Fabian Björk ELLE Finland

My pregnancy has not been an easy one, rather I’ve felt really bad throughout the whole pregnancy: vomiting daily and suffering from sleepless nights many months in a row. The insomnia is caused by restless legs. I’ve lain in bed for almost two months in a row, and this week I had to have an intravenous drip because my blood values were so poor since nothing will stay down.

There have been some other challenges as well: My husband is having a hard time processing my pregnancy, as he never wanted to be a father and therefore is not very comfortable with this. In addition, once in a while I get hate messages and they are often very raw: someone wishing I or my baby would die. Due to my tattoos, some mothers think I’m an extremely bad example for my coming child and an embarrassment to other mothers. I disregard the messages and don’t let them get me down. I’m very thankful that we are having a baby, an actual real child!

My body image changed already before I was pregnant. The thought of being childless taught me to love myself. I understood that I can’t live to please others and I won’t die if my waist isn’t 63 cm. I stopped measuring my thighs and my waistline.

I don’t care anymore what others think of my body. If your head isn’t in the right place, a Chanel bag won’t make you happy – it won’t smile at me. I also don’t put on makeup always because I want to show that I’m also just a human being.”

With Love 
Sini Ariell
Collaboration with Disturb.fi


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